Monday, July 23, 2007

The ultimate humiliation

Our recent return flight from Maryland was awful.

It ranked up there among one of the most humiliating moments of my life, right next to the time I walked in on a bunch of teenage boys dressing for an ice hockey game at the skating rink. I was young and had to pee, and they were in the girl’s bathroom without any warning notice posted on the door. But I couldn’t help feeling like I wanted to disappear.

I felt the same way as I buckled up Ladybug and then went to fasten my own seatbelt.

It wouldn’t close.

Wouldn’t even reach the receiving end.

When had I become so fat?

I’ve known for a long time that I need to lose weight, but I guess I’ve had a warped sense of body image. I mean, I feel thin on the inside.

Having to ask for a lapbelt extension changed that. So did the steward who looked at me with disgust and said, “Just make sure you give it back when we land.” Then there were the two men behind us who said, “Her ass is so big it wouldn’t fit in a Chevy.”

Am I really that big? When did that happen?

It happened when I met a man who didn’t care what I looked like, who loved me for who I was inside. I suppose unconsciously that gave me an excuse to stop exercising and watching what I eat.

Over the years my weight steadily climbed, but my husband kept telling me how beautiful I was. Seems love really is blind.

But that embarrassing moment on the plane opened my eyes. I have to do something about my weight. Not for my physical appearance, not to stop the ugly comments, but for my health. I have a baby girl and husband who need me, and I want to be with them for a long, long time.

So I’m going to do it. I’m going to eat smart, exercise and lose weight the healthy way. And Mr. Steward, you can keep your lapbelt extender.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

its ok. i am the same way. my daughter will be two years old soon. i gained so much weight when i was pregnant. n had a c-section n didnt lose a thing. i think i have gained a little since i have had her. but i hate it. i was so thin before i became pregnant. but my boyfriend loves me, my daughter loves me, but i hate my looks. i want to be back the way i used to. so i somewhat understand how you feel.

July 23, 2007 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Michelle Mahfoufi said...

I used to be thin and athletic, but a few pounds here and a few pounds there over the years changed that. But my pregnancy did me in. I gained so much weight and didn't lose it afterward because I was so busy with a crazy work schedule. I was picking up fast food for dinner several nights a week and before I knew it, I had gained another 30 pounds. I don't think I'll ever get back to the weight I was while my husband and I were dating, but I'm going to try to get as close as I can. Good luck to you too!

July 23, 2007 at 7:09 PM  

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